


You Aren’t Like Her

by SeaSaltCaramel



Series: Pearly Pinks [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Emotionally Repressed, F/F, Hurt No Comfort, Memories, Neglect, Past Relationship(s), Scene Changes, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaSaltCaramel/pseuds/SeaSaltCaramel
Summary: Pink Diamond misses her pearl, but what’s the point? It’s her fault she’s gone.
Relationships: Pink Diamond/Pink Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe)
Series: Pearly Pinks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571815
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	You Aren’t Like Her

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah Pink showed no obvious signs of hurt in that episode (Now We’re Only Falling Apart - I think???) but you do what you must for angst.
> 
> This fic is a mess and it’s all over the place but I hope you enjoy it anyways

* * *

“I could imagine it, if you would like me to, my diamond!”

Pink Diamond frowned, turning away from the pearl. She could tell she was only programmed to sound delighted. Every word was pre-placed in her mouth. Fake and hollow. Nothing.

There was nothing in those eyes either, and nothing in that smile.

She had been customized with too many different shades: white, yellow, blue, pink - was nothing her own?

Dull. Running this colony is dull, this pearl is dull, her life now is dull.

Pearl would have known what to do to make her laugh again. _Her_ pearl. She would have been enchanted by this new world, imagining what fun they would have with the newly emerged soldiers.

_Speaking of which..._

“Show me the status of the prime kindergarten.”

“Yes, my diamond.” Pink bites the inside of her cheek in mild frustration. Even the pebbles showed more emotion than that.

The blue projection flashes life. Pink waits for a report.

“The first quartz soldiers are due to emerge soon.” This catches Pink’s attention. Finally something that can captivate her. The buzz of finally having her own colony has long vanished, and this pearl is as boring as the process of running it.

She feels herself revert for a moment, expanding the slight excitement, letting it complete her. Pink leaps down to the observation device as the pearl walks calmly down the stares, wasting precious time.

Pearl, _her pearl_ would’ve leaped with her, squealing in joy and depending on Pink to catch her. She’d fumble with the blue orb, accidentally pushing on the other wonders Earth had to offer, a minor distraction that had the both of them nearly forgetting what it was they’d been initially looking for. Pink would remember first, worrying that they’d miss the first few emerge, and Pearl would get them there instantly. It would be pure magic.

No standing by, pearl would be in awe with her. They’d laugh as an amethyst fazed through them, forgetting that neither of them were actually there. It would get somber quickly, but...

“I wish I could just be there..”

_“What’s stopping us? Let’s go!”_  
No. Wait.

“I’ll have us warped into the kindergarten at once, my diamond!”

Pink is stunned for a moment. _That voice was..._

No. She’s gone.

Pink covers it up, covers _herself_ up, hides in secrecy and self-crafted emotions because what else can she do? No other gem could understand, not the diamonds and definitely not this pearl.

“What? No, no. If I went down to the kindergarten I would never hear the end of it from Yellow and Blue. Oh, but could you imagine? Me, laughing and playing with the amethysts?”

“Of course I can, my diamond.” Glistening from the pearl’s gem is a hologram of her laughing. Genuine happiness. “You look so happy.”

_“I don’t want to imagine it, I want to see it. You, smiling and happy, with my own eyes.”_

Enough, Pink. Stop it. Cover it.

“I won’t be so happy when Blue and Yellow find out.”

“They won’t find out.”

_“What they don’t know can’t hurt them, just a quick look.”_

Please, stop.

_“This is your colony, don’t forget. You’re allowed to have a little fun. Nothing bad will come of this, promise.”_

Everything bad will come from it. Everything bad _did_ come from it.

It was all _her_ desires, _her_ out-of-control emotions. She’d caused it, and now she’s not here anymore. She’s never going to be by Pink’s side anymore. It’s her fault she’s gone

“My diamond?”

It’s her fault.

_“Pink.”_

It’ll only ever be her fault.

Her voice is like an echo, soft, sweet, pure.

Why had she been so reckless?

Her voice begins fading, disorienting, along with her body, dwindling, going away from her. Not into dark, but into light. The pink hue is drained; black, gray, white spreading from the gem on her navel to the tips of her fingers. Pained screams strain her throat as it claims her, and then it all just stops. Eyes lifeless and gray, stiff posture, and a smile as artificial as the one on this pearl before her.

That was not her pearl.

Pink can’t help glancing at the one in front of her. She speaks, but Pink can’t hear.

She isn’t her pearl. Nothing about her was her pearl. Not the hues, not the voice, _nothing_.

“You aren’t my—“ Pink catches herself, her head snapping up. The moon base is dark.

She’d nearly shrieked, nearly crushed the arms of her throne.

“Are you alright, my diamond?”

“It’s nothing. Please, continue.”

“Of course, my diamond.” Pink watches her as she explains, but doesn’t listen.

It’s just— _Who is she?_ In reality, she doesn’t correspond to anything. She doesn’t look like she belongs to Pink— _stars_ —she doesn’t look like she belongs to _anyone_.

Maybe they did that on purpose, gave her a void pearl that she could hurt with no internal consequence. The thought has her looking away so the pearl can’t see her scowl, gripping her seat again.

Her stare falls on her right eye when she turns back, lingers there, but only for a moment.

When Pink focuses on the pearl’s words, she hears the pearl say something about how she changed her shape, reforming into a rose quartz to visit the kindergarten so Yellow and Blue won’t recognize her. It’s enough to put a smile on her face, and she wonders if her pearl would’ve thought of this.

It’s a mistake, because she’s dragged back in. To the long days full of fun and promise. To the small hands safely secured in hers. To the soft gazes that had her near trembling. To the small arms wrapped around her waist as she whispered:

_“Lovely, my diamond.”_

_“You’re amazing, Pink!”_

To a just smile, the simple kind that wrenched at whatever was in her core. Pearl never needed words to say how she felt for her, neither did Pink. They both just... knew.

The pearl with her now is looking at her expectantly, shoulders beginning to slouch under the heavy tension. Pink takes an inaudible breath in before grinning as wide as she can.

“That’s brilliant, pearl!”

It’s empty, _so_ empty, but the pearl doesn’t bat an eye to the obvious signs. Pink feels a rush of relief. Maybe it’s for the best that they aren’t alike.

Eventually, hopefully, the pain will fade.

Just as she did.


End file.
